Tag Archives: trees

Self Acceptance: Maybe I Can Drink The Ocean

5 Apr

This song is indescribably deep with elements from different genres and time periods. Give it a listen independently of the piece or play it while you read. These two go together like potted meat and saltines.

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Judgmental people made me imperfect and in their judgmental stew I marinated. My mirror is the liar and my vision is not to be trusted.

I can recall with some effort when love of self was the order of my day and as common as an exhale.

Good thoughts flowed like time. Now that flow has been dammed and deviated to the desert of second guessing.

The me I know turned into the me I knew. The solid self-reflections of others pelted me from below as that was their only angle.

Confusion was a leech that slowly sapped my love of life, sunsets, seeing people and breathing. My person had a broken leg and was set for pasture.

To the wounded time will heal, for me time is hell. Left flailing in an ocean the only hope is to drink to not drown.

All is not lost for me.

I still have my awe inspirations. My time here is not wasted. The mountains I love so much are here. The trees that sway in the afternoon breeze are still here.The female form that I truly love is still a work of art. I still have plenty of love in me.

We are just primates sitting in front of computers with no keyboards, left unimpressed and bored we tear at each other.

We still have forgiveness in us.

ILLNESS: mental

14 Jul

this may or may not enhance your listening pleasure:

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Metal against metal with hot edges and cold hints–are they talking about me?

My mind is in fast forward as I laugh at fools laughing at me–is something burning?

I know they see me, they talk to me while I sleep, I can hear them moving about my room with light steps and smelly clothes–did you hear that?

My head is full sand that shifts when the wind blows and sometimes it spills out and my neighbor helps me with that–somebody’s coming, get down.

Hot gases travel through my veins and up my back signaling the other me is about to come forward and speak–they think me crazy.

Dim lights and hot bulbs dance about my brain trying to make me think it’s morning, I know morning and this is not morning–stop touching me.

I used to be malice in wonderland, but I figured this would be better– I climb trees backwards.

This grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but it’s painted–I can fly.

forsaken/in hindsight

5 Jul

this may enhance your reading pleasure.

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in this cold life my knees were bent on cold floors as i looked up

they told me to ask and i shall receive but all i received were dirty knees and hymns

desperate tears left salty trails for me too walk alone to afraid to question

i loved you because i was told to

sun rays bursting through clouds and the breeze through trees were my proof that you were here but sun rays can’t stop blood shed nor feed hungry infants and the trees ignored me

i was most eager to meet you and learn to bathe in your light my return was stone silents in the middle of arid existence

my life was nearing its end and I wanted you to tell me something be here to escort me to the other side

no escort came and i had to hitchhike to my destination

my heart remains broken as the father has left me here blindfolded hands bound with no tongue and tells me to have faith

i have faith in my ability to continue on and seek what i will

it was not i that made cross not i that pieced your side with weapon i did not crown you with thorn

my kin have loved you for no reason while in god we trust none of their pockets hold

good may come to those of us who wait but no clock need be watched nor breath held

my darkest days were left dark i was scared and confused and i was left scared and confused

i have turned cheek and loved my enemy i have but two cheeks and my enemies surrounded me you didn’t give me enough love or cheeks

my hope is firmly in place that you will come to me come for me but waiting is for the dead and warm is still the blood that courses through my veins

My heart stopped beating today

31 May

this may enhance your reading pleasure:

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My heart stopped beating today

Clouds passed over to pay their respects

Even the trees slumped in remembrance of me

My eyes fixed and crusted by exposure

My mouth is dry and my tongue is swelling

I was so tired of breathing air meant for someone else

If this life is mine why can’t I give it away

My heart stopped beating years ago anger was the only thing that kept me from laying down

I hated to see sun come up

My gut was filled with empty heads and staring eyes the quick and the dead

I was locked in endless daydream and blinding ignorance

The only way out was in through bolted doors and booby trapped self help

All I recognized were partners in misery

My heart stopped beating today and I feel no better

The grass has already started to grow under me

This world does not stop to mourn

The animals will come in search of a meal

Ashes to ashes and all

My lungs worked as life support for a empty husk

My legs carried me from one disappointment to the next

My hands failed me this should have happened sooner

My mouth was a tool of destruction to innocents

Down trodden and heavy laden was my lullaby

My heart stopped beating today but my pain hasn’t

I WANT MY LIFE REVIEW