Tag Archives: desperate

My Autumn Will Never Come

19 Jan

This seemed to fit:

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I’ve been a life waiting to happen.

An event looking for a venue.

Nothing but hurt seasoned with misunderstanding and lack of direction lives here anymore.

Even my words hurt when I breath life into them.

When the Most High said, “let there be light” I was not included amongst the enlightened.

Self exile is what he called it.

And please don’t let one tear fall for me, I know what I’m doing.

I didn’t deserve them when I was here and I don’t care for them now.

Just say my name when you think of me so that might have company in my suspended animation.

Send me some sunlight and some blue, the same blue that colored my skies when I walked with you.

You see my mother tell her that I did love her, but broken hearts can’t speak well and melancholy is as cold as Bethlehem steel.

Tell my father that I learned well from a good teacher and my homework was done.

I want to be laid to rest were I can see my mountains.

I want the deer and the other creatures to walk pass me and pause as if they heard something. 

I want Aspen and Douglas Fur all around and if not place me by a stream.

Running water helps me sleep.

And please, no headstone I haven’t done anything worthy of an inscription.

One last thing; tell the truth about me. 

I was most difficult and hated most people.

I was laced with poison and acid dripped from my lips.

I was made into something beyond recognition.

I was nasty and alone, I bleed ice and pissed gasoline, I was sick and desperate.

I was dangerous and spiteful.

But most of all; my heart was as big as the universe, but nobody looked up.

Look for me in the shade, the place were sunlight can’t reach.

Listen for me when you hear leaves rustle on windy nights, I’m never silent.

Understand me when you see children playing.

Know me when you give your loved ones hugs.

Feel me when your alone and understand that you’ll never be…….alone.

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forsaken/in hindsight

5 Jul

this may enhance your reading pleasure.

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in this cold life my knees were bent on cold floors as i looked up

they told me to ask and i shall receive but all i received were dirty knees and hymns

desperate tears left salty trails for me too walk alone to afraid to question

i loved you because i was told to

sun rays bursting through clouds and the breeze through trees were my proof that you were here but sun rays can’t stop blood shed nor feed hungry infants and the trees ignored me

i was most eager to meet you and learn to bathe in your light my return was stone silents in the middle of arid existence

my life was nearing its end and I wanted you to tell me something be here to escort me to the other side

no escort came and i had to hitchhike to my destination

my heart remains broken as the father has left me here blindfolded hands bound with no tongue and tells me to have faith

i have faith in my ability to continue on and seek what i will

it was not i that made cross not i that pieced your side with weapon i did not crown you with thorn

my kin have loved you for no reason while in god we trust none of their pockets hold

good may come to those of us who wait but no clock need be watched nor breath held

my darkest days were left dark i was scared and confused and i was left scared and confused

i have turned cheek and loved my enemy i have but two cheeks and my enemies surrounded me you didn’t give me enough love or cheeks

my hope is firmly in place that you will come to me come for me but waiting is for the dead and warm is still the blood that courses through my veins