My Autumn Will Never Come

19 Jan

This seemed to fit:

Image

 

I’ve been a life waiting to happen.

An event looking for a venue.

Nothing but hurt seasoned with misunderstanding and lack of direction lives here anymore.

Even my words hurt when I breath life into them.

When the Most High said, “let there be light” I was not included amongst the enlightened.

Self exile is what he called it.

And please don’t let one tear fall for me, I know what I’m doing.

I didn’t deserve them when I was here and I don’t care for them now.

Just say my name when you think of me so that might have company in my suspended animation.

Send me some sunlight and some blue, the same blue that colored my skies when I walked with you.

You see my mother tell her that I did love her, but broken hearts can’t speak well and melancholy is as cold as Bethlehem steel.

Tell my father that I learned well from a good teacher and my homework was done.

I want to be laid to rest were I can see my mountains.

I want the deer and the other creatures to walk pass me and pause as if they heard something. 

I want Aspen and Douglas Fur all around and if not place me by a stream.

Running water helps me sleep.

And please, no headstone I haven’t done anything worthy of an inscription.

One last thing; tell the truth about me. 

I was most difficult and hated most people.

I was laced with poison and acid dripped from my lips.

I was made into something beyond recognition.

I was nasty and alone, I bleed ice and pissed gasoline, I was sick and desperate.

I was dangerous and spiteful.

But most of all; my heart was as big as the universe, but nobody looked up.

Look for me in the shade, the place were sunlight can’t reach.

Listen for me when you hear leaves rustle on windy nights, I’m never silent.

Understand me when you see children playing.

Know me when you give your loved ones hugs.

Feel me when your alone and understand that you’ll never be…….alone.

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7 Responses to “My Autumn Will Never Come”

  1. CREE-EIGHT January 20, 2013 at 12:37 AM #

    OH…MY….GOD. That is one of the most perfect pieces of poetry I’ve EVER read.

    • truthbetold January 20, 2013 at 10:29 AM #

      I concur. This piece haunted me. Probably because I can relate so well. We all have that feeling of our Nirvana being just out of reach and wanting desperately to grab it.

      Beautiful sir.

      Just beautiful.

      • hunglikejesush January 20, 2013 at 5:53 PM #

        Thank you as well Sis,

        If you are haunted then I have done my job. I to am haunted by this piece and it came from me or was imparted to me. It was a difficult piece for me, but I’m glad I got it out.

        Thank you Sis.

    • hunglikejesush January 20, 2013 at 5:45 PM #

      Ms. Cree you make grin with complement. This piece is not about me but about us. The us of us that want to, wanted to and still think about ending this so called life. There is no shame in admitting we sometime fall down and have a hard time getting up. If you can get pass that stumble then you can get pass this mean illness. I have and I continue to.

      Thank you again missy, it means a lot coming from you as always.

  2. mary burrell January 25, 2013 at 9:53 PM #

    It’s beautiful and haunting. “I bleed ice and pissed gasoline. Damn just damn. That is just too deep. lovely imagery about the aspen and all the ugly and beautiful stuff is honest. I have to respect that. I’ve felt like all of these things in this piece. Always beautiful.

    • hunglikejesus January 26, 2013 at 8:25 AM #

      Thank you Ms. Mary for stopping by and reading this kinda sad piece. It was easy to pull from past experiences and come up with these lines. I like to think I’m pass this point now, but I’m never really past this point. The abyss is always hungry and always open.

      Thank you again for coming over.

  3. hunglikejesus January 30, 2013 at 5:19 PM #

    Thank you for the likes.

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