My Heart Went Out.

20 Dec

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I sometimes smell smoke. The sweet smoke of lives and livelihoods as they dissipate down the stark and tired hallways of history. Something like the smokes of Rosewood Florida, where 6 or more Black people were murdered in 1923.

 
I sometimes see fires burning and the ghosts of lives not realized emerge from these fires. The ghost of daddy’s little girls and dolls not played with scream at me to not let them forget. My ears ring from the reverb of bombs not seen, but louder still are the voices of four little girls, in a church, in Birmingham, Alabama in 1963.
 
I sometimes feel the pain of families that have vanished for no reason other than for the fact that they were families. The pride of lives built from the ashy, dryness of hate and spite sprout to meet the heavens and the heavens they met. Noontime clocks rang tea time and Black hands held tea cups on a Black street called Wall. Not to be outdone white hands held weapons and the power of privilege could not look into Black eyes as equal. Tulsa, Oklahoma 68 Black people killed.     
 
I sometimes hear doors slamming and see iron bars that trap Black souls that are only suspects. In this land of the free, freedom is relative and no kin me. I am a Black man and I am guilty until proven more guilty. This new slavery hasn’t caught me yet, but I grow tired and my stride grows weak. In Amerika, they have locked up right now more than two million people and most look like me. 
 
I feel sorry for the people of Columbine and the people of Virginia Tech. I want to hurt for the people of Aurora and the children of Sandy Hook will be okay. 
 
I would send my heart out to all the people who have lost in this time, but my heart already went out and it never returned.  
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13 Responses to “My Heart Went Out.”

  1. mary burrell December 20, 2012 at 7:49 PM #

    Haunting and beautiful words. RIP to all the lost souls of yesterday, and the present time.

    • hunglikejesush December 21, 2012 at 12:35 PM #

      Thank you Ms. Mary for stopping by as you always do. Your support is more than appreciated and your comments fuel me.

      As for this most sad event, well, I read an article yesterday that said this was just chickens coming home to roost. When you think about it, that could really be the case. Think of all those children who are being blown into chicken feed over seas. They have drones flying with people sitting somewhere safe and sound piloting them and wiping out whole families then think it’s funny if someone trys to get away. So that they can make a second pass and give them a lead shower for their troubles. Yes they got it coming and they got it coming some more. If they think they can rain hell down on people and then live in some kinda vacuum, well, Sandy Hook says something different.

      I’m sorry for venting here missy and again, thank you for stopping by and seeing about my crazy self.

  2. diaryofanegress December 20, 2012 at 8:35 PM #

    This is so beautiful Jesus. What a gift you have.

    • hunglikejesush December 21, 2012 at 12:46 PM #

      Thank you Ms. Truth, you have been here for me for a long while now and you are loved for your support. Not to be outdone, you are most prolific yourself. When I get grown I wanna be just like you.

      Anyway, this piece hit me like bad potato salad. This final version is scaled back as to not offend. I even threw the original away or deleted it I think is what the kids call it these days. In the wake of all the Black children dying, I really had a hard time finding care about this latest white TERRORIST!!!!! And if you hold your breath before you pass out it’ll be another little white child who in “misunderstood” shooting up some more misunderstood white children. People and especially Black people wanna jump on the “this is so sad” bandwagon whilst we are getting slaughter by cops, while in handcuffs. My bad; that was suicide. I’m not heartless just a bit hardened.

      Thank you again sis.

      • diaryofanegress December 21, 2012 at 1:47 PM #

        You should read my White Imperative Post. A few of us Africans have uttered your EXACT statement.

  3. mary burrell December 21, 2012 at 8:28 PM #

    My dear brother, I understand what you are saying there is truth to alot of your statement. But all children are precious. I don’t blame you for expressing how you feel. It was a beautiful homage to the children lost to violence during Jim Crow and all the horrendous chapters of history that our people were casulties of.

    • hunglikejesush December 22, 2012 at 12:33 PM #

      “my heart remains broken” was my mantra in 2012. My heart should heal will be my mantra 2013. Part of that healing will come when I cut lose somethings that do not effect me. Part of that healing will come when except the fact that evil people have invaded my brain and made it turn on itself. I will no longer or at least try not to drag dead weight with me. And that be the dead weight of other peoples that still see me as nothing but an animal.

      I’m not angry at anyone, I just need to do me just for a minute.

      Ms. Mary please don’t take this as personal. It’s not and I confuse people all the time with my passion. It’s just who I am. You know I really appreciate you and your feedback. You one of the few that has guts to open themselves up and show us whats inside. Thank you Lady and I hope The Most High keeps you close and shines light on your path.

  4. mary burrell December 22, 2012 at 12:57 PM #

    It’s all good. You continue to do you. Be true to yourself.

    • hunglikejesush December 22, 2012 at 1:01 PM #

      SHO YOU RIGHT!!

      • honeytreebee March 9, 2013 at 3:06 AM #

        Jesus you have a way of making me feel it the ache.

        • hunglikejesus March 9, 2013 at 1:41 PM #

          You are so nice Sista. Thank you for stopping by and reading and don’t a stranger.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. My Heart Went Out. « DEPRESSION: my muse « Innerstanding Isness - December 25, 2012

    […] My Heart Went Out. « DEPRESSION: my muse. […]

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