Phyllis Hyman: I Wish We knew How to Love Her.

15 Nov


This is my favorite picture of the late beautiful Ms. Phyllis Hyman. This is how she appeared at my freshman year homecoming when I was attending the waste of time people call college. This is also how she’s burned into the lexicon of my brain’s images catalog. She was tall and very sexy to a young man trying to work out the world on his “own” for the first time. I loved her dearly from that point forward. I didn’t know she suffering from what so many people that look like me suffer from. Bi-poplar, manic depression, chemical imbalance, plain ol’ depression you name it and it’s what we have. Some are able to pull it together for long enough patches to make a life of some sort. Others can’t and others still bailout early, the pain and deep, lightless, emptiness is an absolute soul killer and nothing on this planet is worth living for. The damaged brain is insurmountable and way to exhausting to counter, so we simply lay down and never get up. 

This is the story as reported by Ms. Hyman’s friend and manager Gelinda Garcia:

Walid and Richard have shared with me that many of you would like to know “Why Phyllis killed herself …”

This question has been asked of me time and time again. I always respond with the short answer, which is : only Phyllis *really* knows why she killed herself.

However, for those of you who may be able to relate to my *feelings* about what her motivations were, I will share my feelings with you…

First, let me start by saying that within two hours after Phyllis’ death, she visited me in my office. When I heard her laughing, I asked her the very question you have asked me — to which she responded “Because no one believed that I would.” I then asked her, “But, do you see all of the chaos and confusion that your death has created?” She said, “Handle it!” Then she giggled and left as suddenly as she arrived.

Phyllis had a philosophy about life, death and her body. Simply, she felt that because it was her life, it was also her death. Because it was her body, she had the right to do with it as she chose, including leaving it behind when she was ready to.

Although she was not a member of the Hemlock Society, she was very clear that suicide was indeed an option for those whose lives could not be managed successfully because there was just too much pain : emotionally, physically and spiritually.

About ten years ago, Phyllis was diagnosed as being “bi-polar”, a medical term for someone who suffers from the dis-ease of manic-depression. As she got older, her dis-ease became more and more difficult for her to manage. She elected not to use pharmaceutical medication. She elected to self medicate. Her self medication distorted her dis-ease more and more, until she felt helpless about ever being able to recover from it.

Phyllis was an extremely complex person. She had many, many layers to her personality. But, at the root of everything was her most basic need : love — to both give and receive love.

She could love in a very deep, deep way. She had the capacity to love so deeply that she would become empathic — meaning, that she was so sensitive that she could actually *feel* the feelings and the pain of others. Although she never considered herself to be *psychic* per se, her sensitivity was such that she experienced telepathy, pre-cognition and generally speaking, the paranormal environment in a way that did not allow her to be easily understood by others. As a consequence, she experienced frustration and oftentimes enormous agony when she knew that she *saw* something happening before it happened and no one would believe her.

When she *saw* distortions in the world, she would feel so much pain from these distortions that she could literally detach herself from everyone for days so that she could recover/heal from the experience. For example, when the Oklahoma bombings occurred, the death of the children, in particular, so disturbed her that she was out of commission for a week!

Phyllis’ pain was personal and global. She had carried it around with her since childhood, as do most of us.

It is important to note that she had attempted suicide twice before she actually committed suicide. Because she and I talked about suicide as an option to living a painful life, I was not surprised by her death. I was and am still very sorrowful that she actually made the decision to ascend June 30, 1995. I really miss her…

Stay in the Light and Love,

Some of my faves by the lady Ms. Phyllis Hyman:


26 Responses to “Phyllis Hyman: I Wish We knew How to Love Her.”

  1. diaryofanegress November 15, 2012 at 2:08 PM #

    This again speaks to me. Suicide always makes me more aware of just how much we are suffering on this planet. A touchy and thought provoking post.

    • Kushite Prince November 15, 2012 at 2:19 PM #

      I loved Hyman’s music. She had such a rich and soothing voice. Did you know she was mentored by Clive Davis? The same man that gave Whitney Houston her record deal. There’s much more to Davis than most people know. Read this article. It may shed some light on the death of Whitney and “suicide” of Hyman. It’s very eye opening.

      • diaryofanegress November 15, 2012 at 5:15 PM #


        Funny how all these black celebs always claim that “whites are trying to get me!” and the media proclaims them to be crazy or on drugs, eh? Great article on a true hidden part of hollywood. Makes me wonder about all of our fallen black stars.

        • hunglikejesus November 15, 2012 at 6:57 PM #

          Our suffering on this planet has not even reach a peak yet. That maybe pessimistic, but honestly we could be doing worst. Like us right here right now. I’m sitting on a tricked out computer that was built for me to my very own specs. I have a nice place of residents and I have a job (for now) and I have a vehicle. Not to bad. I’m sure the rest of you are doing just as well or just as average. When shit get’s bad this right here that I’m doing right now, will be memory. I don’t mean to sound mean, but we are not doing to bad.

          Now, for us that suffer with this thing called mental illness have learned to take the small moments of clarity and hold on to them so tight until they change our realty. For me sun rays trigger memories that I never wanna forget. Even if they be just in my head. What I’m I talking about?

          Anyway, I did know that devil had a hold of Ms. Hyman, but I never looked into it because I never knew it was the devil. I’ll look into it and thank you for the link. BTW, Prince, I always thought you were a dude. Man was I WRONG!!

          It’s not only celebs that think white people are after them. I talk to a few people in the prepper collective that are sure they are after them. I tend go back and forth on my wanted status. I really don’t care because we all have to sleep and eat and we can be got in so many ways. I just don’t stress my already stress fatigued brain on that. I understand were you are coming from Negress and I am with you.

          I wanna thank you ladies for coming by and seeing about me and Ms. Hyman.

          Thank you so much, all of you are gold.

          • Kushite Prince November 16, 2012 at 12:09 PM #

            Sorry for the confusion brother. That’s my girl in the It’s all good though. It’s an easy

            • hunglikejesus November 16, 2012 at 12:12 PM #

              Awwwwww!! I was getting ready to do some flirting. You got beautiful lady there sir.

        • Kushite Prince November 16, 2012 at 12:08 PM #

          Yes it’s a long list. Bob Marley,Sam Cooke,Micheal Jackson,Otis Redding etc. It’s really sad. If you read that article you’ll be able to easily connect the dots. There’s a lot more going on than these celebs just passing away. Our people would be furious if they knew the truth.

  2. mary burrell November 15, 2012 at 6:16 PM #

    Phyllis Hyman was one of my favorites. It’s such a shame she was so underrated. Great post. Thanks for always sharing your heart. You are very brave. I have so much respect for you. We have so much to learn about bi-polar disorder.

    • hunglikejesus November 15, 2012 at 7:06 PM #

      Ms. Mary **you know every time I see your name I think of 227 when that lady say MAAARRYYY!!** you never let me down. Thank you sista.

      My heart is open and that’s the only way it’ll heal. I can’t talk about these things unless all my cards are laid out. I have mental illness and it will more than likely kill me. Not be direct suicide, but who knows what kinda things I’ll do that are not proper because my thought process is so….so…so, not straight. I have been called weird more in the last month than I can ever remember. Maybe I’m losing it right now and I can’t see it. Please Ms. Mary if you see me running around all buck naked with drool running down my face, please slap me and get me some help. And do mean that.

      Bravery is for normal people, what I am is to crazy to know I’m doing anything that require bravery. I just gotta do it and to let the rest know that they are not alone and you have no need to be a shamed of shit you can’t control.

      Thank you Ms. Mary for putting up with me one more again. I’ll be back soon to be misunderstood, that you can rely on.

      • diaryofanegress November 15, 2012 at 9:24 PM #

        If you’re crazy, I don’t wanna know what I am. I feel things before I see them, my grandma talks to me and I don’t trust anyone.

        How’s that for ya?

      • Sandra November 16, 2012 at 3:25 AM #

        Bipolar has two distinct halves: I and II. I don’t think we’d be hearing ‘Lest We Forget’ from a BPI. I’m BPII. Normal has never been in my vocabulary except as a wish word, but I didn’t know I was BPII until 2008. And yeah, we have to talk about these things. I’m learning to be open when silence and invisible have been my way of life. Learning takes a long time. Trusting, longer.

        • hunglikejesus November 16, 2012 at 4:42 AM #

          So glad you came back, though I may scared you off with my blunt approach.

          I’m not bipolar. I suffer from chemical imbalance and that’ll never go away. I have been in a state of depression to one degree or another my entire life. The fact that I haven’t rinsed my mouth out with buckshot is nothing but a miracle and my long since transitioned grandmother. I speak about her and my grandfather in the piece, I Can Remember When. Very emotional piece for me.

          Anyway, trusting is most difficult, but I don’t trust or mistrust anymore. I just speak and people relate, even if they don’t want to. We are a very sick country and getting worst, talking is the only thing some can afford.

          Again, thank you for coming back and hanging out with us.

  3. ShelbyCourtland December 17, 2013 at 8:14 PM #

    HLJ, I have no idea why I am not getting your posts because I am most definitely ‘following’ you! Bless your sweet heart! Please don’t you dare ‘do away’ with yourself! I know the struggles we go through. I know that we are the most hated group of people on this planet. It is all up in our face, each and every day. And yes, many of us are just so very tired of it all, the struggling, the trying to stand when you’re being beaten down, constantly. I, too, am tired, but I’ve got to get up each and every morning and put my battle gear on and fight the hell back with everything that I’ve got! I beg you to try and stay strong through it all! So many of us are gone and it seems, long before our star burned out, but there you have it.

    Dear Phyllis Hyman cried out through her music in so many ways. It is quite obvious that she knew so much loneliness and heartache despite being in the limelight and surrounded by producers and studio personnel and a multitude of others who just see people like Ms. Hyman as a paycheck and not as a vulnerable human being. I must say that I was not surprised when hearing of her suicide. I told those around me, that all they had to do was just listen to her music and get some idea of her pain.

    I don’t know why we were put on this earth because we’ve known nothing but pain and slavery, servitude, racism, anguish, and all manner of horrors and evil has been perpetrated on us and we are faltering because it is constant and unrelenting. Shall we ever know peace? I seriously doubt it!

    No need to seek mercy as there is none. Why? I just don’t know…

    • hunglikejesus December 17, 2013 at 9:03 PM #

      Hey sis, I to have had blogs I follow not coming up in my notifications. Such is life. I always go to my reader and update but that doesn’t seem to help.

      I’m well beyond those feelings I had back then. I have spent plenty of money on therapy and self discovery. I’m in a pretty good place now, but if I could have that cabin in the Rockies life would really nice.

      Thank you for your word missy, they mean a lot to me. I can feel your heartfelt sincerity and it’s much appreciated.

      Thank you sis and sorry so short but the plantation is so demanding in this time.

  4. ajualuv February 26, 2014 at 6:26 PM #

    She was sooooo beautiful. I’m sure she still is wherever she is now. Thank you for sharing love.

  5. Veganlady June 6, 2014 at 12:40 AM #

    Everything you said in the article to Phyllis really touched me. I was 15 at the time when I heard of her death. I was very sad. Phyllis is a cancer. I’m pretty sure a lot of people do not believe in astrology but I do because I am cancer, born on the 4th and just as this writer wrote. I felt like she was talking about me and how I am an Empathic and I feel so deeply. The premonitions i have had and things that have come true, wether in my life or someone else, is crazy. I know got has blessed me with a gift but I don’t know how I am to use it. I felt someone so deeply someone i met in my 20’s had a dream about it and it came true. I found some one i lost contact with through a dream. and then we reconnected in real life. To long of a story to post. but I feel and know I am very misunderstood. I see things and pick up on things and it has helped me in a lot of ways avoid bad relationships. The guy i found got scared and never wanted to talk to me again, even though he wanted to sleep with me only. but I wasnt having that. he felt the more he didnt tell me about his life, the less i knew but I picked up on it, plus he was married and he tried to hide it, so im glad it didnt go any further, lol. I feel pain around the world and around me, that it sucks the energy out of me and i need a long time to recover. I have been this way since i was a child. I knew i was different, the things i remember, its insane. I have a very photographic memory. I remember things verbatim. sometimes i feel depressed but then I pick myself up. I lost my mom april 1st of 95. Then phyllis. they felt the same way. My mother would have been 40 that year. I too give so much love that I have to pull back. because there needs to be an even exchange. I’m young 33 but i have been alone and not dated much because of my keenness to be psychic. and im not trying to be funny. i guess love will find me one day.

    • hunglikejesus June 17, 2014 at 7:03 PM #

      I’m truly sorry for taking so long in getting back to you. I too have many issues of self worth and they get in the way sometimes.

      I know another empath who’s all over my blog. I think it would be really nice if you two got together and chatted. She’s very smart and a brilliant Sista. If you want I’ll tell her about you and set up a meeting. Me being male and a Scorpio I’ll do nothing but mess up something and ruin a friendship in it’s beginning stages.

      Thank you sis and please feel free to checkout the rest of the blog if it feel so inclined.

      • Veganlady June 17, 2014 at 7:22 PM #

        Hi, That would be great…I don’t mind talking to her but at times, I really need masculine energy and advice or point of view. but it would be great to talk to her because sometimes I really feel alone. I’ve been this way for a long time. It would be great to connect with like minds. the people that I know in my life, they are not bad people but they just don’t get me. I know i’m not weird or anything. Sometimes i feel like i was dropped off here, even though i know I had a mother, lol.. I feel like when I meet people along my soul-journey that we are to teach each other a lesson or be a blessing and to show and give love and help people but whenI come across men, they cant stop trying to be physical with me. and it drains me mentally that they cant see past that. .Oh and don’t apologize for not responding right away. I was just venting and leaving a comment, do appreciate you respond though! Thank you! But it would be great to talk to the other empathic on this site and thank you again for posting this. Nothing happens by accident! I was lead here for a reason! Its that spirit that lead me here.

    • DanceAlive August 25, 2018 at 9:15 AM #

      YOU are GIFTED!!!!!

  6. tahir February 21, 2015 at 10:08 PM #

    I think I know why she killed her self I think because of her love she had for some guy who broke her heartLISTIN TO THE SONG LIVING IN CONFUSION she sing as if she is deeply hurt and depress this was her last song the song tells it all the song kinda tell you SHE TIRED OF LIVING SHE HAD A BROKEN HEART THANK YOU BYE

  7. Marisa November 2, 2016 at 9:55 PM #

    Bipolar disorder is difficult to manage. Living everyday with this illness takes a lot out of a person. This blogger described it well. God bless you. Unfortunately, I share your struggle. Wish they would find a cure for this. RIP to the lovely and passionate Ms. Hyman.

  8. DanceAlive August 25, 2018 at 9:10 AM #

    For Manic Depression.
    There are soul-utions to every illness
    The doctors do not tell us.
    Because it will make them lose BUSINESS. Meaning they place money before true healing.
    Read: “200 YEARS OF ADVICE TO WOMEN;…..
    With LOVE.
    I am living with
    4 different diagnoses.
    From crippling depression, to
    I can tell my unbelievable story another TIME.
    I have suffered ten times more than one hundred times then most.
    I come from a long line of
    FIGHTING peoples.
    If you wish to get some resources,
    Websites, names of visionary, PROGRESSIVE, pioneering people who are moving healing into the FUTURE.
    You are welcome to contact my e-mail.
    I have been assisting people suffering from major mental health disorders for 20 years.
    God Bless.
    Thank you
    FOLLOW an Honest Life
    You can HEAL.


  1. Phyllis Hyman: I Wish We knew How to Love Her. « DEPRESSION: my muse « Innerstanding Isness - November 15, 2012

    […] Phyllis Hyman: I Wish We knew How to Love Her. « DEPRESSION: my muse. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: