Rage Turned Inward

16 Oct

This is another re post of a poplar piece I did a few months backs. It’s also a look at where I was and how far I’ve traveled in this journey. If I had to measure from there to here in miles, it would be about 100 miles of travel and I still can’t see my destination yet. 

 Image

Do you know me? then shut up.

Teeth grinding and I can’t even see.

Lips pursed tight and thoughts on fire.

Muscles inextinguishable and reality on yield.

I put my hands around the throat of my invisible tormentor and squeeze.

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I don’t wanna talk I don’t wanna listen I don’t wanna hear I don’t want you I don’t want me I don’t wanna come I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna feel I don’t wanna see I wanna be mad I wanna hate I wanna kill I wanna be killed I wanna hurt I wanna scream I want it dark I want it cold I gotta go I gotta disappear I gotta run I gotta choke I gotta hit I gotta kick I gotta burst I need to move I need stop I need to pierce I need to stab I need to bleed I need to be tight I need to be left I need to be alone.

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The world is safe, all these things are Rage Turned Inward. That is depression.

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13 Responses to “Rage Turned Inward”

  1. Estellelight October 16, 2012 at 10:21 PM #

    You said it all. The pain is often dismissed because unlike physical trauma in which the sinews are torn apart, the bones broken and the blood dripping elicits immediate entry into the emergency room… the suffering of the mind and soul is either ignored or left to wait mercilessly waiting waiting waiting…. the depressed one sinks further into the abyss.

  2. isness October 17, 2012 at 4:20 PM #

    Reblogged this on Innerstanding Isness and commented:
    Rage Turned Inward

    • hunglikejesush October 18, 2012 at 2:53 PM #

      thank you sista.

      • diaryofanegress October 18, 2012 at 4:31 PM #

        Depression is pain. I’ve felt it physically at times. I’m glad you republished this piece. It’s one of my favourites.

        • hunglikejesush October 18, 2012 at 4:36 PM #

          Yes, depression is very physical, but not mostly. We can change ourselves by changes are thoughts. I know that easily said, but it very true. I of course haven’t been able to do it fully, but I try.

          Thank you for reading it again.

          • diaryofanegress October 18, 2012 at 4:38 PM #

            Sunlight. That’s my secret weapon. Lots of sunlight.

            • hunglikejesush October 18, 2012 at 4:43 PM #

              I loves me some sunlight as well. It does make one feel better.

              • diaryofanegress October 18, 2012 at 7:46 PM #

                Thank you for helping me with my book, Jesus. I really appreciate the support.

  3. mary burrell October 19, 2012 at 8:55 PM #

    I wish I had that picture to be framed in my living room. But you are right my friend that is what this creature called depression is. I will go get some sunlight tommorrow.

    • hunglikejesus October 19, 2012 at 8:59 PM #

      Ms. Mary I can feel when you read one of my pieces.

      Depression is no joke and we need to take it a bit more seriously. I’ll be continuing my efforts to bring this beast into the light.

      Thank you sis as always for stopping by and spending some time with me.

  4. mary burrell October 19, 2012 at 8:57 PM #

    Yes, Brother Jesus, Depression is pain. Physical and emotional. Physical where you are unable to get out of bed. Sister Truth is telling the truth about that.

    • hunglikejesus October 19, 2012 at 9:02 PM #

      Did you call me Jesus? LOL just jivin’, just jivin’.

      Depressions me thinks, is so many things to so many different people. It’s the devil if you believe in that sorta thing.

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