MY TORTURE.

11 Oct

Maybe this will enhance your reading pleasure:

MY EYES WON’T OPEN WITHOUT REASON

MY EYES WON’T CLOSE UNTIL THEY CAN’T STAY OPEN

MY MIND WON’T STOP UNTIL I HAVE PEACE OF MIND

MY GOOD THOUGHTS TWIST UNTIL I’M SATISFIED

MY BAD THOUGHTS ARE RICH AND DOMINATE

MY BEHAVIOR IS SKEWED AND DICTATED, MY MOVEMENT IS PHONY AND QUICK

I WEAR MANY HATS AND NONE HAVE MY NAME ON THEM

COLD BLOOD TAKES COLD EMOTIONS FROM COLD HEART AND COOLS MY AMBIENT

I STARE INTO MYSELF IN HOPES OF

ONLY MY TOMORROW CAN TORTURE ME LIKE LOST LOVE I LOOK FORWARD TO NOTHING

I WANNA BE HEARD AND SELDOM SEEN

IF CONFUSION IS ANYTHING BUT A WORD THEN I PIN IT TO MY CHEST AND THROW MY LINE OUT IN SEARCH OF DIRECTION

MY TORTURE IS OUT OF MY REACH AND I ACHE FOR HER

A FOOL WAS BORN THE SAME YEAR I WAS AND I WONDER

I THINK TO MYSELF AND GO TO WAR WITH ILLNESS AND ROT

MY ONLY EXIT IS TO FINISH AND I THOUGHT I WAS

WHEN YOU SEE ME DON’T SPEAK AS I AM SELF CENTERED AND I TAKE EVERYTHING THE WRONG WAY

WHEN I SEE YOU I WON’T

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9 Responses to “MY TORTURE.”

  1. diaryofanegress October 11, 2012 at 5:08 PM #

    “IF CONFUSION IS ANYTHING BUT A WORD THEN I PIN IT TO MY CHEST AND THROW MY LINE OUT IN SEARCH OF DIRECTION”

    Best line in this article, Jesus.

    I think we are all searching for direction but your articulation is superb. WOW. And this :

    “COLD BLOOD TAKES COLD EMOTIONS FROM COLD HEART AND COOLS MY AMBIENT”

    Damn…

    • hunglikejesus October 11, 2012 at 5:19 PM #

      You know what brought this piece out? A minor disagreement in the grocery store today. This is how much stuff we build up until it just comes out. If you wanna see Black people doing this first hand, checkout the evening news on some evenings.

      The only difference is I have found away to purge without going to prison forever.

      Thank you Sista for your continued support and pep talks. You are royal.

      • diaryofanegress October 11, 2012 at 5:30 PM #

        Jesus:

        Where is live, I go in get my veggies and walk out as quick as possible!!! I also use my headphones at all times even when not listening to music to deter people from “small talk.”

        It works.

        • hunglikejesush October 11, 2012 at 5:34 PM #

          Headphones are the perfect counter-racist instrument and I live with mine on when not at home. This time a was caught unawares and yes I slipped. No harm, no foul as I am quick on my feet and handled it like champion. White women think the world is their own personal “do what you will” device.

  2. mary burrell October 11, 2012 at 11:26 PM #

    You said Headphones are the perfect counter-racist instrument. I thought I was the only one who did that. I need a new Ipod because when I’m at work I keep my music on it’s theraputic. I keep my ears plugged up commuting on the trains coming and going to work, to because i don ‘t like internalizing all the craziness going on around me. I can relate to this poem. You are not alone in how you feel.

    • hunglikejesush October 12, 2012 at 1:45 PM #

      I don’t go anywhere without my anti-racist headgear. Which says a lot about smart, good sense having people. We are in such a state as to not even be able to function like normal humans. We have to resort to tricks to operate outside our homes. It makes me really upset that I have been reduced to a effing facsimile of myself. This is life on the plantation and I can either love it or leave it, right? RIGHT!!

      Thank you for stopping by Ms. Mary, always look forward to your input.

      • TrojanPam October 12, 2012 at 7:43 PM #

        I’m following this dialogue and I’m struck by how fragile our safety is, that at any moment, saying or doing something without thinking can change our life forever.

        I saw on the news last night a black female in North Carolina set fire to a vending machine that took her money without giving the product. They had in on security camera and when she stood before the judge, she said she didn’t need a lawyer, that she did it

        And I thought there’s a lot of black people out here like this, who have turned their anger on themselves or on another black person or even a vending machine

        and I wondered how much hard time would she get for destroying a white person’s property.

        the stress on our people causes me great concern. I wish there was a way to have more mental health counseling available that ADDRESSED the real problem: white supremacy

        • hunglikejesush October 12, 2012 at 7:48 PM #

          Hello Ms. Pam and thank you for stopping by.

          I have said for a while now until we get our mental health in order, we can forget about anything else.

        • truthbetold October 13, 2012 at 7:57 PM #

          Miss Pam:

          I run from white people at all costs! If I walk into a room, store, restaurant and they are the only ones there…I turn around and walk out.

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