Archive | April, 2012

Am I Good Enough?

29 Apr

this may enhance your reading pleasure:

 

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Can you see me, when your eyes are closed?

Do you remember me, when we’re together?

Does my soul speak to your spirit?

If you had no money, could I borrow some?

Are we together, when you are alone?

Tell Me, Am I Good Enough?

Do you and I equal one?

When I speak, do you see what I’m saying?

When times are bad, are we still good?

Can I make you come, when you don’t want to leave?

Do you want me, when you have it all?

Hey Sista, Am I Good Enough?

If you are my sun, can I be your stars?

When you go through hell, can I take you to heaven?

When I need help, will you hurt me?

If I turn you on, will you turn me off?

If I be weak, will you be my strength?

Lady, Am I Good Enough?

Can the woman in you, tell the “man” in me?

On the darkest day, can I be your knight?

If I play my music for you, will it make your heart skip a beat?

When you are old, will you let me make you feel young?

If I plant my love, will you water it, so that it will grow?

Yes Queen, I Am Good Enough?

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Rage Turned Inward

28 Apr

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Do you know me? then shut up.

Teeth grinding and I can’t even see.

Lips pursed tight and thoughts on fire.

Muscles inextinguishable and reality on yield.

I put my hands around the throat of my invisible tormentor and squeeze.

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I don’t wanna talk I don’t wanna listen I don’t wanna hear I don’t want you I don’t want me I don’t wanna come I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna feel I don’t wanna see I wanna be mad I wanna hate I wanna kill I wanna be killed I wanna hurt I wanna scream I want it dark I want it cold I gotta go I gotta disappear I gotta run I gotta choke I gotta hit I gotta kick I gotta burst I need to move I need stop I need to pierce I need to stab I need to bleed I need to be tight I need to be left I need to be alone.

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The world is safe, all these things are Rage Turned Inward. That is depression.

I looked right at you

25 Apr

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You have always been my comfort, the one friend I could count on. You were my plan and all the lands and times you could take me to when this one had dried up. You brought tears of resolve and relinquishment to a boy and though cold you were, your touch was always warm. The heat of ten thousands suns was not as hot as the warmth of the thought of you. You were there when I saw no one and you stayed until I would sleep. You brought me smiles and you blinded me to frowns, your face was all I saw and your face was all I had seen. I could look off into the distance and there you were, arms always open, always willing to let me in. When the rain came you came also and when the light of day came you came also. We were close and I looked right at you. You never stop looking at me and when the time was right you spoke to me and I listened. You spoke to me and I listened, in my listening I heard you say to me what nobody could or would. You said the thing to me that my essence craved, you said to me, no more hurt and you said no more hate. You said to me, I will take away all that is dirty in your sight and I will make you new. You told me you could make me new, like how I used to be, before all of this. You told me the little boy that is me, though scared and scarred will be new and you will be with him. And I looked right at you and you meant it. What is it that I can do,, that I must do, for you, for all this redemption. And you looked right at me and said, yellow…..yellow is my favorite color and I want to see you in it.

Some will not know my story and my brush with this person/thing, this will give you all need. http://www.blubrry.com/the_cows/1174517/the-cows-on-depression/

Are we in retrograde?

23 Apr

this may enhance your reading pleasure:

 

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Are we in retrograde?

our sun comes out but it does not shine

our faces have smiles but we are not happy

our days go by but we stand still

our bodies are strong but we are tired

our minds are sharp but we do not learn

Are we in retrograde?

we have lives but we don’t live

we have houses but we have no homes

we have families but do we have tribes

we have work but it is not ours

we have hearts but do we love

Are we in retrograde?

our bellies are full but we do not grow

our air is fresh but we do not breath

our world is wide but we are small

our hearts are blessed but they do not beat

our god is present but we do not pray

Are we in retrograde?

we are a nation but have no land

we are a people but have no possessions

we are beautiful but have no pride

we are Black but our hearts are not

we are solid but stand on sand

Are we in retrograde?

To be happy

23 Apr

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As the new day breaks over mountains capped and proud, my mind is clear.

The cold air suspense’s my promise and possibilities, evergreens standing in wait for my greetings.

The perfume that drift is familiar as childhood gone by.

The sound is none but my own footfalls as animals watch and I am everywhere.

This world has reveled to me a place where men have come and losted and have come again.

This be my place, a place I see when light is dim and my eyes closed.

Though I am alone I am never lonely.

I have always come here when my thoughts are left to carry forward. This place is as old as I.

My mountainscape cannot escape my internal sight, this is my home, has always been my home.

It calls to me when I am away and go back. It called to me when I was there and I go and see.

I looked out over all I could see and I am happy.

The mountains gives me broad view and life is small and aspects disappear.

To be happy while Earth be new as it reaches for sights concealed.

Little Black boy

21 Apr

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Look at you.

Hair nappy face ashy nose snotty, I bet you stink.

Do you even know how spell comb?

I’ll call you midnight, now smile so we can see you. Do you have a soul?

Look everybody how Black he is, a Afrikan booty scratchier, with big lips.

Yeah I know we look just alike but this is your time to make me feel good.

I know we come from the same place but my Black is not your Black.

Your Black ain’t white not even light skin, your Black hurts and it hurts me, your Black is me and I don’t want your Black.

Your Black is funny and Black, you ain’t me and I ain’t you, you a little Black boy.

Look at you, I bet you stink.

You remind me of me and I don’t like that.

I want to be different from you, my Black is not your Black, my lips are not your lips.

Let’s get him, don’t look at me with your Black self, you gonna cry now?

I ain’t as Black as you, my mother says I’m different.

We can’t hear you, you to Black, you make me sick.

With your Black self, are you even human? Little Black boy.

Fatherhood never known

21 Apr

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To see me outside me has been a pursuit of the “man” that encases this being.

To feel the hands that were like the hands this “man” once had is a daft longing that has made this “mans” life.

To hear the voice that this “man” used to praise nature and grandmother and tried to sing that beautiful song that could never be forgotten was this “mans” quest.

To smell the flesh as my flesh is brand new is this “mans” heartbeat.

To walk along side myself as I try talk walk beside me, I give my sanity and the very life giving blood that will never know how to walk beside me.

I hear me as me cry’s out in the looking for me and to know that I am not far away.

I will never be far away.

To be the strong hand in my life when life’s lessons are not learned and heeded, will be my task and I take that task with forethought and acknowledgement.

To send that little piece of me off when day breaks and hoping the Most High sees fit to bring that little piece of me back to me is what I will do.

To see sights from new eyes as my eyes have grown tried, makes the very light new again.

To feel the weight of me on my shoulders means nothing as I would take on the weight of the world, so that me can stand tall and beam reassured that we stand tall.

Wipe away tears that will surely come because this world is made out of such is what my hands were made for.

To teach me that we come from greatness and never let that be forgotten is my charge.

To be a light in the night that me can always see as ships have and rocks missed is what I was born into.

To advise and turn loose and hope that it was true is me.

To watch me grow to stand on my own to reach out and know that I am not alone, to know that stars shine and the moon is hung is for me to know that I am not alone.

To wonder what is out there and when will we go back is what I hand to you.

To never stop looking up, to never stop looking up, to never stop looking up, to never stop looking up, to never stop looking up is what you must do.

Know that this person the older you has never stopped looking up, has never stopped looking up, has never stopped looking up, has never stop looking up and will never stop looking to you to carry on.

When we reach for each other with knowing that our reach is not in vein, that is when I know I have become a father and the child has become mine.